what does your soul want?

What does your ego want? What does your soul want?

Usually, they don’t want the same things. At least, that was the case for me, and the case for most people I know.

The ego is “I.” It is who you think you are. It is the voice in your head. It is the lens through which you see the world. It is your consciousness and awareness of the world. It is your thoughts, beliefs, and narratives about yourself, other people, and the world around you, and it is significantly shaped and influenced by your family, culture, society, and personal life experiences. 

And it is not inherently bad. The ego is an important and necessary part of the psyche that helps us understand and navigate the outer world, with its many rules, laws, and social conventions. The ego helps us survive in society. 

However, like any part of the psyche, it can become bad if it dominates and possesses the psyche, becoming the driving force of our decisions.

The goal is not to get rid of the ego. The ego is sorely misunderstood. Most discussions of the ego in this day and age are focused on getting rid of the ego or destroying it. Like I said, the ego is a necessary part of the psyche that helps us navigate the outer world. The goal, therefore, is integration. 

Individuation is the process of becoming your whole, authentic self. This process involves integrating the ego and the other unconscious parts of the psyche, rather than being consumed by any individual part. It involves recognizing the limitations of the ego. For example, the ego is not always right. Sometimes, perhaps often, what the ego wants is not what the deeper authentic self wants. It is not what the soul wants. 

In Islam, the Arabic word for nafs is used to describe the seat of consciousness and the ego aspect of the self. There are three stages of the nafs described in the Quran, with the third being the nafs that is at peace. In drawing a parallel with the Jungian ego, this third stage may similarly represent an integration of the nafs as it joins in elevation and harmony with the rest of the psyche, including one’s soul. 

The soul is the divine essence within us, bestowed upon us by the Divine. There is so much about the soul that is and will always be a mystery of divine secrets. The soul embodies a person’s spiritual life, purpose, meaning, creativity, and most importantly, one’s connection with the Divine.

In Islam, the Arabic word ruh is used to describe the soul, which is the divine life force that gives humanity its essence. 

I believe creativity is a form of worship because when we are creating, we are tending to the soul, which connects us to the Creator. Our deepest, most authentic desires exist within the realm of the soul. These desires are very different from the desires of the ego. 

The ego’s desires tend to be worldly. Degrees, careers, money, a nice house, a nice car, more money, assets, popularity and validation (especially on social media in this virtual age), and even more money. None of these are innately wrong or bad desires to have. All of us have ego-driven desires. It’s a part of being human. A good education is certainly a privilege. A nice house and car bring safety, security, stability, and accessibility. Money doesn’t solve all of our problems, but it can solve a lot of them. 

I love fashion (which means I love shopping, naturally), and I love travel, and I’ll never stop dreaming of buying a cozy cottage on a meadowy hillside with a stone and brick fireplace and a dreamy Beauty and the Beast-esque library. But I know that deep down, deep in my soul, none of these “things” will bring true joy and fulfillment. Like any ego-driven desire that comes to fruition, there’s a period of elevated mood, a high we’ve all experienced when a dream comes true, and then our egos return to their baseline and move on to the next desire, the next “thing.” “Now what?” is a common thought that follows the end of a high. Because the everlasting joy we anticipate in the aftermath of a worldly achievement is illusory.

It’s important to note that ego-driven desires are often tied to what others think or expect of us, whether it be approval, validation, showing off, etc. Social media perfectly demonstrates this, as it has led to the greatest ego-inflation of all time. Everyone is their own god, and everyone wants to be worshipped. They want their worshippers to be in awe of their looks, their clothes, their travel destinations, their relationships, their children, and so on. Constant, endless worship. This is a symptom of a far greater problem. This points to an imbalance in the collective psyche of our world, where we only hear and seek our ego-driven desires, and have forgotten how to listen to our soul-driven desires. This is a symptom of “soul loss.”

Soul loss is a disconnection from one’s soul, one’s deeper divine essence, and consequently, from the Divine. This can happen when the overculture’s values and ideals dominate the ego, and the psyche. It can lead to a deep emptiness and a loss of one’s life force. This is because one is not living in alignment with the values and desires of the soul, which are the most authentic. The ego has hijacked the soul.

Beyond social media, ego-driven desires can play a role in what we study, the job/career we pursue, the partners and friendships we choose, and so on.

The soul’s desires, unlike the ego’s, are not worldly or outwardly. They live in the inner world. They may lead to outward possessions and opportunities (e.g., money, a job that you love, etc.) but they are not outward by nature. The soul’s desires are deep and intimate. They are connected to our deeper meaning and purpose. They draw upon our God-given gifts and talents. They are about something greater than ourselves, connecting us to the world around us and most importantly, to God.

In our masculine overculture, which places immense value on output and worldly achievements, we have abandoned the feminine, which like the soul, derives its value from the inner world. You can learn more about the power of the creative feminine in my blog post here.

So how do you find your way back to the soul? How do you begin to figure out what your soul wants?

Contrary to what you might think, it’s actually very simple.

The first step is to slow down.

We live in a fast-paced, go go go, “doing” society. If you want to start hearing that inner voice, if you want to learn how to listen, then you need to slow down. Start practicing presence, slowness, and stillness. Stop planning out every moment of your day. Stop doing things you think you should be doing, and start doing things you want to be doing, the things that bring you joy. 

Sensuality - the art of being and embodying slowness, presence, and the senses - is essential to creativity, and to our overall vitality. To learn more about the power of sensuality, which is one of the Three Pillars of Vitality, you can download my free e-guide, Rituals to Enhance Your Creative Life.

The second step is to start paying attention to what you are drawn toward. 

What is it you naturally gravitate toward? How do you enjoy spending your free time? What can you lose yourself in for hours at a time? 

The third step is to enjoy the process and stop focusing on the results. 

Yes, results are important, but it’s not really about the results. It’s about the process, and the joy and growth the process brings. The unraveling and self-discovery. The enlightenment and elevation of consciousness.

When I started slowing down, I realized that half of the projects I was working on were not projects that brought me joy. I was doing them because I thought I should, and my focus was only on the monetary benefits. I was trying to escape my life and change my circumstances, because I was so unhappy, but I only grew unhappier. I wasn’t practicing presence, slowness, or stillness. The unhappiness started showing up in my body as resistance, fatigue, depression, and emptiness. When I slowed down, I felt and heard the way my body was rejecting these projects that were not in alignment with my soul. I realized I was desperately trying to escape my life and change my reality. I realized I was always in the survival mode that comes with the grind. 

I experienced the greatest ego death of my life. It was the dark night of the soul, a deep depression. For the first time, I truly felt and understood that no outer achievement, person, or material thing was going to fulfill me and fill that gaping hole in my chest. I would always wonder what’s next. I sat with that realization for a very, very long time. I had to start asking myself what I was truly seeking. While this was an extremely painful and vulnerable period, God’s grace simultaneously allowed me to recognize its importance. I knew something significant was shifting inside of me. I knew I would eventually emerge from it, because I had utter and complete faith that God always helps and guides those who are seeking the truth, to the very truth they are seeking. 

In my journal, I created a column. 

Ego     |     Soul   

I wrote down everything that my ego wanted, and everything that my soul wanted. I encourage you to do the same. 

I quit the projects that were making me miserable, that I felt I should be doing. I slowed down. I stopped filling my schedule and allowed myself to gravitate toward what my body and mind were craving - writing, reading, my faith, learning, spending time in nature, the power of the feminine, creativity. I enjoyed the process rather than focusing on the outcome. Eventually, the pieces started falling into place. It didn’t click right away. It took time, and active reflection. It was several months until I emerged with an understanding that was rooted deep in my soul and faith, instead of my ego. I knew what I was meant to do, and that’s when Roya Rising was born.

Remember that the point here is not to get rid of the ego. The desires of the ego have their right, and their place. We want to use our ego, our consciousness, to expand our awareness to our soul self, and integrate our deeper, intimate, authentic desires into our lived reality.

While this post isn’t about money per se, I want to add that living a life that is in alignment with your soul can bring in an endless flow of wealth, including but not limited to money, time, peace, health, connection, and more. Money and materialism on their own are insufficient for happiness if you are not nurturing your inner life and living a life of divine purpose and meaning, a life of connection to the Divine. But when money comes as a consequence of living in your truth and using your divine gifts and talents to serve God and the world, it brings with it a higher value.

So if you’ve had your fill of the worldly life (if you’ve stuck with me to the end, you probably have), and you’re wondering, “Now what?” then it’s time to start asking, “What does my soul want?” Slow down, and start seeking your truth. As Rumi says, “What you seek is seeking you.”